last one, for you

Published in Currant Jam.

In order to prove to myself how much you ever loved me, I went back — cell deep, molecular, until my hip bones cracked, and the celluloid. If I had to describe everything I've ever felt it's all: déjà vu. I would share what I found but someone stole my photos and I didn't really have a choice except to let them. Previously it involved a lot of burning, this time: just a marathon in your city. In fact! I was trying to listen but I heard very little and I didn't want to go look unless you wanted to be found. Like I'm not even trying to believe in fluorescents or anything — it's just that I'm only trying to tell you nothing that would deceive you as anything but the truth, and that includes me having to believe it. Turning 24 in a couple / For sure I'll miss you in that apartment I hate.